Nudity on Church Street
We spotted a nude man strolling on Church Street yesterday and posted it to Facebook, various media outlets stopped by the office today to get a comment. Our leadership team has issued the following official statement…
Thank you for stopping by the Burlington Bytes office earlier today. We apologize no one was in at the time to give an official statement on how the nude man on the street yesterday was impacting our Church Street business. Upon your inquiry, we immediately formed an exploratory committee to determine how this situation could happen, and how we could prevent more au naturale pedestrians from wandering Church Street in the future.
The findings of our exploratory committee were striking. While theories ranging from the man being an Emperor, to being the lost “UVM naked bike rider of 1969” were offered, we believe this was a case of an uninformed consumer. Clearly this “in the buff” man had been searching online for clothes, and due to poor SEO, Google Adwords, and retargeting campaigns by local haberdasheries, he simply did not know where to buy clothes. Our committee offered the following as a solution: If more local retailers had purchased Burlington Bytes’ digital marketing packages, consumers would be more informed, and we could reduce Church Street nudity by a staggering 76%.
Retailers interested in pursuing this noble option are encouraged to reach out to Pete Jewett at [email protected] for a free consultation